Rachel Thompson

Jack Canon's American Destiny

Monday, May 6, 2013

Orangeberry Free Alert - Welcome Home by Billi Tiner

Welcome Home - Billi Tiner

Amazon Kindle US

Amazon Kindle UK

Genre - Children’s

Rating - PG

4.3 (37 reviews)

Free until 10 May 2013

Welcome Home is the story of Jake, a black Labrador Retriever mix. For as long as Jake can remember, he has been having the same dream. In his dream, he lives with a wonderful man in a beautiful home. He has never seen the face of the man in the dream, but he knows his voice and is certain that they are meant to be together. When the day comes for Jake to be given away to his new home, he believes that he will finally get to meet the man from his dreams.
However, when he is chosen, it is definitely not by the man from his dream! He is taken to a home where he is terribly mistreated. After suffering years of abuse, Jake finally escapes and is able to begin the search for the man he has been dreaming of his entire life. Along the way, Jake meets some interesting characters, survives amazing adventures, and forms life-long friendships. Join Jake on his incredible journey home.

Orangeberry Free Alert - Foreign Deceit (A David Wolf Novel) by Jeff Carson

Foreign Deceit - Jeff Carson

Amazon Kindle US

Amazon Kindle UK

Genre - Mystery, Thriller

Rating - R

4.2 (62 reviews)

Free until 9 May 2013

Sergeant David Wolf has put his Special Forces days long behind him, settling down as a cop in the small ski resort town of Rocky Points, Colorado. He's a good cop who's seen bad days before, but none quite like this.
As if narrowly escaping an attempt on his life, his addict ex-wife being back in the picture, and complications to his all-but-certain appointment to Sheriff weren't enough, he's just received word that his traveling blogger brother has committed suicide in the Alps of Italy.
Devastation and resentment over his only sibling's selfish act quickly gives way to a nagging suspicion that he isn't getting the whole truth. Conviction of his brother's character is enough to pull Wolf from his pressing situation at home to the entirely foreign land of Northern Italy -- into a more dangerous and volatile turn of events than he could have possibly imagined.
With the help of a beautiful young officer of the Caribinieri, Wolf must piece together what happened on that last fateful night of his brother's life without ruffling too many feathers, or paying the ultimate price.
A gritty tale of international mystery, Foreign Deceit is a cerebral, visceral and emotional ride that will keep you guessing until the final pages.

Orangeberry Book of the Day – Bad Traffick (Leine Basso Series) by DV Berkom (Excerpt)

Chapter One

The gentleman in the impeccable Armani suit watched the images flash by on the screen, a glass of Macallan single malt on the gold inlay table beside him. Two additional men, shrouded in darkness and unknown to each other, were also taking part in the video conference from different areas of the world, watching the same images. Several times one or the other would raise his hand, platinum or gold watch flashing in the darkened rooms, signaling for the Seller to pause the presentation so they could look more closely at the photographs.

The Seller was visibly sweating in the air conditioned comfort of the massive hotel suite. If he didn't make the sale this time, these clients would look elsewhere for their pleasures. His reputation as the go-to guy in the business was balancing on a knife's edge. Ever since the fiasco with the televangelist two months prior, he'd kept a sharp eye on the operational side of things.

One of the executives was fidgeting, apparently bored, and the Seller's anxiety level skyrocketed. He didn't have to find a mirror to know his appearance was giving his discomfort away. He could feel the cold sweat flowing down his back and armpits, running between his buttocks. What the hell do these guys want? Am I losing my touch? Usually it wasn't this hard to match the client to the product.

The Seller was down to his last two photographs when all three men simultaneously motioned for him to stop. The client in Saudi Arabia rose from his chair and walked to the screen, gazing at the delicate visage.

The Seller's shoulders relaxed. He shouldn't have been worried, should've known the eyes would close the deal: jade green flecked with gold surrounding deep black pupils. Everyone who saw her stopped in their tracks. She'd reminded the Seller of a famous photo he'd seen years before in an issue of National Geographic. She wore the same enigmatic expression. The silence of the buyers signaled it was time for the hard sell.

"Gentleman. I see you have exquisite taste. Mara is newly acquired and in pristine condition. I guarantee she will delight you with her generous charms. As I'm sure you'll agree, she has no equal. I always save the best for last. Mustn't trot out the most sublime too quickly, eh?"

There were murmurs of agreement between the men. The Seller's anxiety morphed to excitement as he prepared to set the hook. My God, look at them. They're practically salivating. A bidding war would be a welcome relief.

The client in the room waved him to his side. His unusual gold pinkie ring flashed, catching the Seller's eye. He'd seen the symbol before, but was unaware of its significance.

"Her age?" he asked.

The Seller turned and glanced at the picture of the girl. Her expression still held a trace of innocence, although churning through the American foster care system for two years had taken its toll. The photographer had captured the picture before Mara realized she wasn't going home.

"Twelve years, sir."

"Pure?"

"Most assuredly."

The man nodded his approval. He glanced back at the screen and steepled his fingers, bringing them to his lips to mask his words.

"Make sure she's mine," he whispered.

The quiet statement held the promise of a lucrative payday tinged with strong warning. The Seller's mouth ran dry. He nodded as he straightened and walked to the front of the room. The cameraman panned with him, framing his head and shoulders with Mara's photograph in the background. The other two clients would see only the Seller with the girl's face behind him on screen. Taking a sip of water from a glass nearby, he cleared his throat.

"Shall we start the bidding at fifty-thousand?"

image

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Genre – Romantic Suspense

Rating – PG13

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Blog http://dvberkom.wordpress.com/

Website http://www.dvberkom.com/

Orangeberry Book of the Day - The Call of Agon by Dean F. Wilson

THE BAIT OF BLOOD

Ifferon watched the head-cleric Teron with growing unease, until every movement or gesture was like the threat of something sinister; a curious glance became a stabbing glare and a shift in seat became an ominous betrayal of a hidden agenda. Ifferon clutched the side of the table like a shield, while fear seized his heart and stayed his breath. He hung on the edge of his seat, as he hung on the words of Teron.

“We are running out of time,” Teron said grimly. “Their ships should be here within hours.”

“I know,” Ifferon said, but the waver in his voice revealed his doubt. He had been waiting for this moment for a very long time—it was his daily dread. Prayer was as common as air in the monastery, but Ifferon’s only true prayers were that it would not come to this, that he would not have to run again.

Ifferon was almost certain that Teron knew about his flight, that he had come to the monastery in Larksong not as a true Follower of Olagh, but as a follower of his fears. As if sensing his thoughts Teron settled a cruel glare upon him. The fire that burned in those eyes was more powerful than Ifferon could ever dream, but looking past those flames Ifferon saw a shadow, and this unsettled him.

“Do you believe in coincidence?” Teron asked, and Ifferon felt the question probe his mind before he could answer. His thoughts began to scatter and the juices in his mouth dried up, forcing him to give a faint cough in reply.

Teron leaned forward a little, his face cowled in shadow. “Do you believe you are here for a reason?” There was a short pause, but it felt like eternity, uncomfortable and unsettling, and then the head-cleric began again: “Ifferon,” he said, his voice commanding, using the sound of his companion’s name as a key to unlocking his mind. “You are not making this any easier for yourself. Feigning the fool will not get you out of this room any quicker. When I ask you questions I expect answers. I expect confessions.”

This was no longer a meeting; it was an interrogation. Each passing moment felt like the drawing of a noose, each probing question the tightening of the rope about his neck.

“So let me ask you again: do you believe you are here for a reason?”

“Yes,” Ifferon said, but it was an uncertain one. He had been running from that reason for a long time now, hoping it would pass him by, pick some other person, choose some other fool.

Teron knew more than he let on. It was hard to tell just which of one’s dark secrets he had access to. “Our purpose is said to have long been decided, our side in any battle carved in stone. Do you really believe that someone’s will cannot be swayed?” He shifted in his seat and held his hand aloft, as if indeed he were casting some spell of sway upon Ifferon.

“Sometimes it is swayed long before the swayer has any say,” Ifferon tried boldly. In that moment the light breeze that seemed forever present in the drafty monastery grew stronger and the jumping fire of the solitary candle cast a darker shadow upon Teron’s face. His eyes grew dim.

“Yes, and sometimes the offer is too good to refuse,” Teron stated, drawing closer across the table. Ifferon could almost imagine his long, bony fingers reaching out to maul him.

The light shifted again, exposing new details while hiding old ones. Teron’s hair seemed much more grey here in the dark than it did in the open cloister, and his rugged beard masked his mouth, as if to further veil the beguiling words that came out of it. It was his eyes, however, that seized all who looked upon them; they were dark, deep rifts of age and wisdom. Ifferon feared this, as if he knew that this wisdom could indeed sway him.

“You watch me with uneasy eyes,” Teron noted. He withdrew back into the shadows again, but his presence lingered. “I wonder if you have watched as carefully the moving pieces on this earthly board that has led now to our ... conversation.”

“I have watched many things,” Ifferon said. “And listened to the whisper of others.”

“Then you know as much as I,” Teron remarked. “Or more? Yes, perhaps you know more. Is it not your duty then to reveal unto your head-cleric that which you have been concealing?”

“My duty here is to uphold the ways of Olagh.”

Teron laughed, and the sound was like thunder by a god whose servants have failed to appease him. This was not the voice of mirth—it was mockery.

“So you laugh at your clerics,” Ifferon said.

“No,” Teron replied, scolding him with his eyes. “Only you, because you are the only one to come to me and feign piety when we both know that is neither what made you join us, nor what kept you here after you joined. I am many things, Ifferon, but I am not a fool, and those who treat me like one have been given mercy if they are greeted by my laughter and not my lash.”

“Why then did I come here?” Ifferon asked. It was as much a question for his own ears as any other’s, a question he often asked on the frequent lonely nights spent locked away in his small, cold room.

“To hide,” Teron said. “Not that you have been that successful at it.”

“I have been here ten years.”

“And I have known your purpose for nine of those.”

“Why then let me stay?”

“Because I care for you, Ifferon, even if you are not truly a Follower of Olagh.”

“Why is it that I do not believe you are one either?” Ifferon quizzed.

“Because you have a suspicious mind, my dear Ifferon, but also an intelligent one. I am a leader, Ifferon, not a follower. This is why I am head-cleric here. This is why you are not really a cleric at heart. You are a leader who does not want to lead.”

“Then am I really a leader?”

Teron ignored his question and asked one of his own: “Why do you think they are coming here?” His tone suggested he already knew the answer. This was something Ifferon had grown accustomed to, and yet it always jarred him, like a familiar object in an unfamiliar place. “Why do you think they are launching an attack against us?”

“Because that is what they do,” Ifferon said. “They attack and kill things. It is in their blood.”

“And what is in yours, pray tell?”

“I do not know what you mean,” Ifferon responded, trying to conceal his thoughts in a way that Teron might.

“So you insult my intelligence again,” Teron remarked, gritting his teeth. “Do you think me blind? Old age may be upon me now, but I am far from senile. You carry the blood of Telm, Ifferon, and do not pretend otherwise.”

“The fact that you would suggest that Telm exists reveals you are not at home in the Order of Olagh,” Ifferon said.

“They are one and the same, as you well know.”

“But we do not call him that.”

“Because of where we live, Ifferon. The King is a Follower of Olagh and his favour is sometimes more important than the truth. Look at how they treat the Garigút. I wonder if those wanderers chose their way of life or if they were forced to move from place to place because the people of Boror would not allow them to stay.”

“The Garigút are also people of Boror,” Ifferon corrected.

“Yes, and look at how they are mistreated for their following a larger pantheon. Would you then blame any of us for not revealing our religious persuasions under such conditions?”

“No, but I am hardly a standard Bororian.”

“Which is precisely why we are here, why we are bandying words while others outside these walls prepare to bandy swords. Ifferon, I will be honest with you, for I worry that you have been greeted with too many lies thus far in your life. If people were to know that I was holding my office without holding Olagh in my heart it would be the end of me.” His eyes were softer now, with a hint of sadness, but the grizzled features of his face stood at odds with them, like mountains towering above two tiny lakes.

“And what about the end of those ‘heathens’ your office has overseen?” Ifferon cried, almost demanding the answer as he often mused he would when safely outside the head-cleric’s gaze.

“That is an unfortunate side-effect of my role.”

“A side-effect? It’s not like taking a herb where there’s a risk of rash or dizziness; the side-effect of your role is death! How can I sit here and listen to your hypocrisies?”

“Because you are a hypocrite yourself, hiding away here as a Follower of Olagh when you are one of the last children of Telm and his earthly consorts. Do you know what the Trial would do if they knew you were here? They would hunt you down just as quickly as the forces of Agon, and they would probably be crueller in how they bring you to the doors of Halés. But I am merciful and kind. I keep these secrets for you to keep you safe.”

“And am I safe?” Ifferon asked, but this was not a question meant for Teron.

“At this present moment, yes, but that will soon change if you do not make swift your decisions. Ifferon, I once told you that Larksong was a haven for a scholar, so much so that it would one day be the victim of its own success, that its hoarding of manuscripts would lead to the hordes of evil men who come now to set it all ablaze. But I was lying then, for they do not come for books.” He stared at Ifferon now, as if silently communicating to him some dark message through his eyes.

“They come for you,” Teron said at last, and his voice came like the sudden slam of a door; or the cold, sharp slice of the headman’s axe. The ring of his steel words seemed to last a lifetime, attacking Ifferon’s ears, invading his brain. It was not as if he did not expect them, for why else would the forces of Agon come to Larksong? They had found him at last, one of the few remaining children of the dead god Telm, one of the few remaining names on the blood-stained list.

Teron eased himself from his high-backed chair, and Ifferon would hardly have known it but for the swish of his robes as they grazed the cold floor. The candlelight was dying quickly now. From the corner of his eyes Ifferon could see the silhouette of Teron approaching the doorway of the room—but for a solitary moment Ifferon’s eyes were fixed on the chair Teron had sat upon. He watched it like a Gorgon, his gaze impenetrable, and he still felt the head-cleric’s presence there, still saw his outline amidst the shadow.

“Come,” Teron called as he passed through the alcove like a king, his robes unfurling, his strides elegant. But he was not a king, and as Teron glanced back once, his aged face clearly evident, Ifferon knew that Teron recognised this, recognised his own frailty.

When the trance had broken Ifferon almost fell from his chair and followed. He reached the curved alcove, but turned and looked at the dining table, with the high-backed chair for Teron, a false superiority. A cold silence hung above the table like a lantern, and it cast its light far, for even as Ifferon turned back to the pathway ahead of him, a chill grasped his neck and pierced his skin.

The hallway was dark and damp, less of a hallway and more of a tomb. The smell of dust was evident throughout, as if its vaults had only now been opened. The old brickwork was darkened with moss and the fissures therein echoed the growing void in Ifferon’s heart. The passage was thin, forcing Ifferon to squeeze his way through, marring his robe with the lichen on the walls. He walked on, keeping one hand on his shoulder, the moss an excuse, the reality a veiled cuddle in the dark.

The passage curved to the right and Ifferon passed by a large torch that was held to the wall by a set of obsidian hands. He shivered as he passed them, his imagination wild with the thought of what could be concealed within those walls. His thoughts wandered further and he cringed at the idea of being locked away in the secret dining room, a lost soul in a lost cellar.

The darkness of the passage was as oppressing as Teron’s invasive glare, but soon Ifferon joined the head-cleric outside in the cloister under the less distressing darkness of the night sky. For a moment the onerous tension left Ifferon as he sighed deeply. He looked upon the few stars that dotted the heavens and the wisps of dark grey cloud that formed abstract shapes in the growing nightfall. He gulped as he swallowed this beauty, feeling a slight smile form on his lips; it was almost a smile of sadness, of regret, as he realised that the beauty was fleeting, that it would pass before day had come.

But Ifferon’s relaxation was shattered once more when Teron spoke: “How long have we known each other?” He placed his hand on Ifferon’s shoulder, and Ifferon flinched, as if it were the outward expression of some disease contaminating him.

“Long,” Ifferon managed.

“Do you trust me?”

Ifferon paused and watched as Teron forced a smile, but the head-cleric’s grip tightened on his shoulder and tore a reply from him. “Yes,” he said, a lie. Teron knew it was a lie; Ifferon could already see the glimmer in those darkening eyes.

“Then you would trust my judgement?”

“Depending on the judgement,” Ifferon said, relaxing once more as Teron’s hand was drawn back into his white robes, like a rat returned to its layer.

“Ifferon, I have long served the King of Boror and I do not treat with all and sundry. My time is a treasure that I share with few, my words a wisdom I impart to the elect. You should feel honoured that I have called you away for my counsel. You are different to the others here, by your own making and the will of those we can say so little about. Different. And I think that warrants such wisdom, because you are like me. Different.” He turned and walked across the cloister, brushing the gentle splashes of rain that had suddenly come from the sky.

Ifferon shivered and passed on through the pillars of the cloister, but unlike Teron he savoured the rain. It always gave him the replenishment he needed after many days locked in his musty old room. It gave him the feeling of life that seemed so sparse within these walls. But he knew that Teron was waiting, and the head-cleric’s patience was always thin.

He quickly caught up with Teron, who was strolling through the moonlit cloister. He seemed to be in the throes of a deep internal debate, for his brow was furrowed and his gaze was cast aloft.

Another cleric passed them by, his hood up and his head held low as he scurried off. Ifferon glanced back and saw that this man had slowed his pace and turned to look at them. Ifferon could not tell who it was beneath the cowl, but something about the figure unnerved him

“Ah, Ifferon,” Teron asked, shaking his head. “I am not the one who would abandon you like your parents did, nor the one to leave you like your consort did, nor the one to deceive you like so many did. I am your spiritual counsellor, an ear that listens from the heart, a friend who speaks with concern as his tongue. I worry for you like a mother, fear for you like a father, and love you deeply as a friend. The only reason I am so harsh with you at times is that it is the only way you will listen, for you are as stubborn as a Moln, thinking all the world is against you, when really your biggest enemy is yourself, your creation of barriers, your destruction of your freedom.”

They stopped now and Teron turned to Ifferon. For a moment his features were not fierce; he looked at Ifferon with tenderness in his eyes. He held both of Ifferon’s shoulders and this time Ifferon realised that they were not claws, but hands.

“Agon has spoiled many things,” Teron stated. “And his next will be the offspring of Telm if this attack bodes ill for us. His anger is unyielding, fuelled by his constant torment. He believes that his pain is spawned by the existence of this world, and thus, in a final effort to cease his suffering, he will try to bring about the end of all life. He seeks peace, Ifferon, but not in the same manner as Man. He seeks peace for himself, within himself, a peace that requires a final war.

“But Agon did not force this prison upon you. He is the jailor of many, but you are the one who possesses the keys to your own cell. He may hunt you, but he did not lock you away here, nor force upon you the choices you have made these last few years. Your prison is in your mind, where you limit yourself, where you take on the voice of the Beast and speak to yourself the way he would if he could only get to you. But he does not need to if you will do the work for him. Fear is what locked you away, Ifferon, and fear is a tool of Agon. When you fear you open the gate that lets him into your mind. His greatest weapon is fear, for it drives strong men to madness. So why then be afraid?

“You need to stop hiding and take control, so that you can unleash your true potential, unlock yourself. When you do this you will realise what a Child of Telm can do. But now, dear Ifferon, I must prepare a sermon. Many will die tonight. Let not you be one of them.”

And so Teron strolled off, still as elegant and ethereal as ever. The words Teron had spoken to him with such tenderness and care should have lifted him from the darkness, but Ifferon was disheartened, feeling the brunt of the attack before it occurred. His heart no longer thumped with fear and anxiety, but was overcome with grief.

He paused for a moment in the open garden of the cloister, mourning for the flowers and the bushes that would no longer be there once the battle begun. It still rained lightly, but this time the rain did not comfort him. His eyes were drawn to the clouds that hung overhead and he wondered if the sky might fall upon him too.

He walked back to his room and when he came to the old musty door, he stalled, for something seemed amiss. Surely he had closed the door when he left; he could have sworn he did. But it was ajar, if ever so slightly. Perhaps he had forgotten to close it fully when he rushed out to Teron’s summons.

He shoved the door open now and walked inside. He made his way to the table that he had left something very valuable on. Foolish, he thought. Teron could have been a distraction while someone stole it from him. Very foolish.

His eyes faltered for a moment to look at the stormy sky outside. He could see little from the loophole window, but what he saw was unsettling. He used to be able to watch the tranquil sea, but it was not calm now, and all he could see there was the ominous rolling fog, taunting its concealing power.

Then his gaze wavered once more and he glanced at the broken cabinet in the corner, the only piece of furniture in the room besides his bed and table. He returned to that table and scoured it with his eyes, noting the large open tomes he had been using in his studies, the loose leafs of delicate manuscripts, the wooden blocks containing cryptograms and foreign alphabets, and the Scroll itself, unfurled and held down by two stones carved with Aelora runes.

He paused. It seemed to summon him just as Teron had, beckoning him to draw near, hinting at something elusive. He watched the parchment as if it were his life—old, ragged, torn, full of gaping holes and lasting damage. He studied the Aelora symbols that adorned the piece. At one time he thought they were beautiful. He supposed he still did, but now they looked dull, as if sapped of their life-force and energy. Something was not right.

He watched the piece so strongly that it took him several minutes to realise something so disturbing that he was forced to back away. The Scroll, laying there in the silence, was not where he had last left it. It had been moved.

image

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Genre – Fantasy

Rating – PG

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Orangeberry Book of the Day - Be Careful What You Wish For (Saga of the New Gods) by David Black (Excerpt)

Prologue

The world was void, and darkness was upon the deep…

All reality, all that would be called reality had there been anyone to give the darkness name, was darkness…

From one moment to the next, darkness became light. And a being that could be called a god… or pantheon… their/his race called themselves/himself Djinn… if he/they called himself/themselves anything at all…

The being/entity/pantheon faced itself and was two, neither diminished, neither less powerful in the slightest than they had been when one.

“Must this be?” one asked/thought in a multitude of voices that spread ripples of creation through the universe that was given birth to in this utterance.

“It must,” the other responded, his voice’s reverberations colliding with the first, causing planets and stars to appear where the lines of force encountered one another.

The battle lasted eons, the battle was completed in moments, the battle was of words, the battle was a titanic struggle where galaxies died and a universe was created.

Finally one stood victorious, as they knew at the beginning he would.

No words were spoken now, the victor, still identical in form and nature to the vanquished, stood over him and brought his hands together. The vanquished shrank away into the distance, and remained where he was; debris gradually collected around him where he lay, and a planet was born from his defeat, collecting around him in his prison like a pearl formed within the mouth of the universe itself.

As the being’s hand was covered by the forming planet, though, one last wish, one small gesture, and a ring flashed, and was gone…

Book 1

Saga of the New Gods

Be Careful What You Wish For

By Daniel Black

Chapter 1

Brandon Jones

OCC Math Science Lab, Athens, Ohio

2:13 p.m. June 5th, 2021

“So as you can see, the entire project’s findings were rendered completely worthless because they failed to observe Schrödinger’s principle,” the professor droned, gesturing toward the screen in his own class in Berkley, California.

Brandon had seen this demonstration before, and was hard-pressed to show any interest at all. He looked around the small classroom—twelve desks, and only one student—his college was unable to even provide him with a flesh and blood teacher, though they were able to provide him this video-teleconference.

Sighing in regret, he decided beggars could not be choosers. At least they were required to provide him with this much by the terms of his scholarship, which by going to a community college he was able to stretch to cover food and lodging as well as a triple course load.

“Which I will lose if I do not ace this guy’s class,” he muttered, and turned back to the screen.

The class, his most difficult and probably least practical class, was theoretical quantum physics. Of course he also had several other classes, from quantum mechanics all the way down to Latin, but this was his major: what he intended to base his future on. His goal was to reach a doctorate in the field within four years, and he felt that he was well on his way to doing so in this, his second year of college.

The professor continued to drone on, and yes, by god he was actually wearing tweed… what a presumptuous, pompous twit.

Brandon tried to pay attention, but the way the guy on the screen was droning was putting him rapidly to sleep.

Deciding that the only thing to do was to think of something interesting to keep his mind going—as a nap would probably be taken amiss by the gimlet eye of the camera watching him while he watched the professor—he decided to think about the game coming up later.

Brandon had been an avid gamer since the age of six: tabletop role-playing games, computer games, console games, if it had a strategy that concentrated more on the mental than the physical, he was on it. His current game of choice was the old standby, Dungeons and Dragons, in particular a mix of systems run by his friend Adam.

As he considered the upcoming game, his mind began, of its own accord, to turn—as he had a great deal of difficulty keeping his eyes from turning during the games—to Chelsea. His gaming group consisted of six people: Adam, the game master, kinda twitchy, but generally a good guy in a game; Michelle, Adam’s girlfriend, and permanent addition to the game that was very bearable—she mostly looked like a guy, and played like one as well, generally as a rogue of one type or another; Tim, his best friend since childhood, jolly as hell, and difficult to make take anything seriously; Blake, the new guy, young and into sports to a degree that Brandon was not comfortable with, playing a fighter currently, which was just his speed, all brawn and no brains, his first character in the game. Finally his thoughts arrived at Chelsea, and his lips twisted into a slightly vacuous smile as he gazed unseeingly at the screen. Chelsea was his only real regret in the gaming group. Among gamers, the ratio of males to females was about eighty/twenty, and she was gorgeous—something even less common among gamers, but not unheard-of. She had a perfect ass, and filled out her shirt nicely as well. 

Feeling his face beginning to flush, he forced his mind to swerve on a tangent back to its second course.

Two months ago, before Blake the bastard joined their game, Chelsea had at last been single. Brandon had finally decided, after she had been single for two weeks, to ask her out. He had shown up early to the game, dressed in his usual black slacks and white shirt, and there she’d been, sitting there on the couch, more beautiful than ever, a radiant grin on her face… next to Blake.

Brandon had missed his opportunity, and now he was just waiting for the two of them to break up.

It would probably be going too far to say that she was his first love, but he had definitely fallen into serious lust with her on sight.

A buzzer went off, snapping him away from his ruminations on the elusive Chelsea, and he realized that the lecture was done. Brandon scanned rapidly through his memory of the preceding hour, but no, there was nothing new.

Sighing at the wasted time, he stood and clicked off the monitor, then walked to the door, clicking the lights off as he stepped through it, heading to his game.

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(soon available as an audio book)

Genre – Dark Fantasy

Rating – R

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Saturday, May 4, 2013

DA Serra – Procrastination

Procrastination

by D.A. Serra

It seemed that my pattern of procrastination had an identifiable redundancy.  I decided to actively study the clues and see if it revealed anything useful.  So I took notes and examined my own behavior.  I found that my procrastination took the form of “Oh, let me just get out of the way…” and then a series of things followed: write out the bills, fight the insurance company, finish the laundry, get the dinner shopping done, check in with my mom, my sisters, my dad, unload the dishwasher, make the dog food (yes, I made my dog’s food – don’t ask). And consequently I would end up feeling terrible that I had not spent enough hours writing.  It didn’t make sense – I must write – I wanted to write, and yet.

I’ve written my entire life.  One time a gentleman asked me what was the difference between someone who writes and a writer.  I told him with complete confidence that lots of people write as a tool to make a living, a writer is someone who writes even when there is no reasonable assumption that anyone will ever read it – ever – that’s the difference and that was who I’ve always been.  It was not a lack of drive or desire that led me astray – so why?  Why did I let things get in the way?

When I studied this interruptive behavior I realized that it wasn’t that I was procrastinating to keep from writing at all, it was that I needed a clear mind to write well, and if things were hanging over me I had constant unconscious pressure to eliminate those things before I could settle down intellectually.  So it wasn’t actually that I was avoiding writing, it was that in order to write successfully I needed a clear mental palette or I could not relax.  When I considered this I knew it was true, because the entire time I was doing those other things my anxiety levels rose because I was not writing.  Well, this was unacceptably dysfunctional.  Now that I had identified the issue I needed a solution.  I needed to not only set a schedule for my writing, but also for most other things in my day.  This was an organizational issue not a creative issue.

Firstly, I started cooking on Sundays.  I would stock up at the store and make or prep four meals for the upcoming week.  Once I focused on how to do this it wasn’t as hard as I thought.  I turned on an audiobook, which read to me aloud in the kitchen, and I cooked several meals simultaneously and stored them in the refrigerator.  It took a little foresight and energy but it was doable.  Next, for my regular check-in phone calls, (my family is uncommonly close) I made the decision that all phone calls would take place in the later afternoon after work.  Yes, sometimes there was complaining, bickering, and sibling stuff going on in the background, but it actually taught the kids to be more independent and rely less on me.  I was there and helpful for the big issues, but I was also on-and-off the phone, as a result they would get tired of waiting and try harder to do it themselves so they could be done sooner: a win-win.  The harder organizational change for me was not answering the phone – I feared “what if it were important?”  So I got caller ID and let it ring unless it was the school.

Naturally your issues differ and I do not assume that my solutions will work for you.  What I’m suggesting here for other writers, many of whom work from home and have at least three other jobs, is to take some time to understand why you’re procrastinating, and then, out-think it.  Follow the clues: is it boredom with what you’re writing; is it distractions you can manage; other responsibilities you can rearrange; is it just that you need a clear head to relax into the words.  If you truly are a writer, and I assume you are or you wouldn’t be reading this, once you spend the time to identify the cause of the procrastination you’ll be amazed at how creative you can be to disarm it.

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Genre – Thriller

Rating – R

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Orangeberry Book of the Day - Greedy for Life: A Memoir on Aging with Gratitude by Lori Stevic-Rust (Excerpt)

1clip_image001My Beginning and Her Near End

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”

—MARIA ROBINSON

I looked at the clock for probably the fifteenth time already, and it was only 9:30 a.m. Traffic this morning was not that heavy, and I got to the office with time to spare; and yet I was already falling behind in the schedule. Where does the time go? I find myself frequently longing for more time. Time to complete what I need to do and often wishing for excess to do the things I really want to do.

What a strange phenomenon, time. It seems to be the one thing we all wish we had more of, but yet we are not always certain what to do with it when we have it. As a child and adolescent, time seemed to move so slowly. Those big events that I put on my calendar, such as homecoming, prom, graduation, and my birthdays, all seemed to take so long to arrive.

Now here I sit with time moving at warped speed, with events, chores, activities, and tasks zipping by me with more being added and never enough time to complete them all. Children growing, wrinkles developing, and what is happening to my hair…more grays. Need to make time for more hair color.

I packed up my briefcase with my unfinished tasks in the bag to be transported home with the fantasy that I may do some work when I returned home. But most likely I would end up transporting the same work back to the office tomorrow to add to the rotating to-do list. Feeling exhausted and overwhelmed, I returned home at 7:05 p.m. (yes, I looked at the clock again). I was greeted by my grandmother, who was sitting on the couch in the spot I had left her earlier that morning at about a quarter to seven.

Growing up, we called her Gram, but after the great-grandchildren were born, they started to call her Nana. The name stuck for all of us. Nana, or Emily Bernice Sitosky Serian, is a beautiful blue-eyed Polish woman. While her eyes are striking, it is her smile that draws you to her. The warmth of her thoughts radiates through her smile. When she laughs, her mouth is open wide without embarrassment as the sounds come from deep within. That same mouth can smile with pride, showing softness around the corners and with a gentle turning up of the lower lip her mouth reveals comfort and compassion during periods of sadness. Ironically, she is most self-conscious about her mouth, particularly the deformity of her upper lip. The scar she tries to hide with lipstick has been with her since her baptism day. Her godmother had pinned the collar of her blouse together with straight pins, apparently a common practice among women back then, and during the baptismal service, she picked Nana up and put her over her shoulder to comfort her. The straight pin went deep into Nana’s upper lip, and without antibiotics, it became infected. The doctor cut the infected area away, leaving a missing piece in her upper lip.

Today Nana stands about five feet, even with her shoes. She has lost several inches over the years, thanks to her severe osteoporosis, which has left her with a significant arch to her upper back. At five foot three I feel very tall next to her. I brag about it. She reminds me that her excuse is osteoporosis, what is mine? But she can boast about her incredible skin. It is soft, light in color, even in tone, with only a few wrinkles near her mouth. Her eyes reveal the path of her years of laughing and smiling. She attributes the integrity of her skin to the years of buying expensive and exotic face moisturizers, which she still uses today. In fact, her one and only visible age spot seems out of place on her face. When she notices it in the mirror, it annoys her, but she begrudgingly admits that, “One ain’t so bad for a one-hundred-year-old lady.” That’s right. Nana just turned one hundred years old.

While her face does not reveal her age, her hands do. Physically they are smaller, more fragile, with almost transparent skin revealing the blue lines of her veins. The joints in her hand have begun to curve under, creating a closed appearance. They look frail. But when I watch her use them, they are the same hands I remember from when I was a child. They reveal a lifetime of hard work. Below the paper-thin skin there are remnants of the strong and sturdy muscles that once worked the family farm. Her chores as a young girl on the farm were every bit as physical as those of her brothers, including milking cows and plowing the crops. Then of course there is my personal favorite childhood story she would tell about her responsibility for preparing the chicken for the family dinner. This lovely mealtime preparation began with her selecting the chicken from the coup, chasing it around in the yard, then “twirling” it until she could successfully snap its neck. This was followed by chopping off its head and pulling out the feathers before handing it off to her mother to cook. True story. We stopped letting Nana tell bedtime stories to the great-grandchildren.

Her hands not only worked the farm as a child, but also physically labored throughout all of her adult life. She worked long shifts in a Laundromat, in a diaper service company, in a factory, and cooked and cleaned in the family’s own restaurant. At the age of eighty-five, she was still doing gardening work, canning tomatoes, and was even caught once pulling shingles off a roof. But the surface of her hands, the skin that touches you, is quiet and soothing. She still uses her hands in the most unique way that it is visibly noticeable by all who meet her. Whether she is applying moisturizer, cutting fruit, holding babies, or making noodles, her hands move with both surgical precision and gentle, oh so gentle deliberate care.

I did not inherit her beautiful blue eyes or her blonde hair, but I did get her voice. The voice can best be described as raspy and hoarse sounding. In fact, people will often ask if I have a cold when they hear me speak for the first time. Depending on who is asking, I may explain that it is my normal voice; it’s actually my grandmother’s voice, I may add with pride. Or I may admit to a cold that I don’t have to spare the asker the embarrassment. My husband thinks it is sexy. Personally, I think it comes from the acid reflux disease that I also inherited from Grandma, but it’s good that it sounds erotic to him. When I hear my voice after a television interview or on a recorder, I smile at the harsh, squeaky, rough sound. It’s her voice. I not only sound like her but I am privileged to hear her voice in my head.

I put my briefcase down and stepped into the living room, where I snuggled up on the couch next to Nana and we began to talk about our day. I went on and on about the amount of work and how much I didn’t complete, and then again asked the rhetorical question, “Where does time go?”

She smiled and said, “I was thinking the same thing.” She added, “Every time I looked at the clock today, it seemed to move so slowly and the day seemed so long.” Incredible. The cycle of life—time moves slowly, time moves too fast, and then it returns to moving slowly. Nana went on to talk about how difficult aging can be when you want to do more things then you are able to do, when you want to spend time on those things that make you feel productive and satisfied. I suddenly felt sad for her and a little ashamed of myself. I realized that I too will one day sit wishing that time would move quickly when I am no longer able to do the things that I love and the things that make me feel productive and valued. I’m reminded that time went on before me and will certainly go on after me…I am only afforded a sliver of that time. My sliver to date has been almost fifty years. Yep…I am about to turn fifty years old, and that is what all this musing about time and age is about.

More recently, I find myself taking time, making time, to reflect on how in the world I was to become fifty freaking years old soon. Even as I put it to print, I can’t believe time has passed that quickly. I know that is what everybody says—well, mostly old people say it. You rarely hear a twenty-five-year-old saying, “Oh my, where has the time gone.” I think that is because they know exactly where it has gone. They can account for the years, often with great detail.

Here it is almost fifty years for me and one hundred years for Grandma. If I am as fortunate as she to live a long life, I may be at my halfway point. What a thought. Perhaps fifty more years to live...what will I do with them? And if I have less than fifty years, what should I be doing with them? I guess this is what we mean when we talk about a midlife crisis. It’s a turning point, a reality check, a time to pause and reflect on life. Will the things that I truly valued and wanted in the first half of my life be the same for the remainder of my life? I suspect they won’t, and I think that is probably a healthy and expected thing, but the unknown of it seems a bit unsettling.

I feel a sense of urgency when I think about time moving and the things I still want to accomplish. I don’t want to keep looking at the clock. I want to look at my reflection in my children, in my family, my friends, and my patients. I want to know that I have embraced my grandmother’s philosophy, “Be greedy for life.” She has spent her life absorbing moments like a sponge so they could sustain her later; giving, always giving, so she could feel good about what she was getting; and loving, not just the easy kind of loving, but genuinely loving people that I often thought were not worthy of her love. But it never stopped her. Carrying a grudge or a hurt seemed to be a waste of time…precious time for her.

Throughout her aging process (which for her I think started at the age of ninety when she moved out of her home in Akron, stopped driving, and moved in with my parents), she would often say she was not ready to die, but promised to let us know when she was getting ready.

“Lori,” she said, “I always wanted to live long enough to see you graduate, and then I wanted to be here to see you get married, then to have babies. Then I thought I would be satisfied. But now I want to see my great-grandchildren graduate and get married and rock their babies. Time…there will never be enough. I will always want more, to see more, and to be part of more. I’m greedy for life.”

I believe that she still feels that way, but I have recently noticed that some of her physical energy is fading, and with that some of her emotional energy and her greed for life have begun to fade as well. Our conversation on time continued a bit more, and then our eyes met and she said, “I wonder what kind of time I have left.”

Now, being a psychologist and relatively sensitive and an emotionally strong person, I handled this comment with all the grace I could muster. I responded, “You have as much time as I decide, old lady. I will tell you when it is OK for you to die.” We both broke out laughing until we cried. She then added, “OK, then in the meantime, maybe we both should stop looking at the clock. Time is not always kind.” I agreed.

My connection with my grandmother was born out of fate and destiny. I say this in a somewhat melodramatic fashion, but the story of how we met or almost didn’t meet convinces me I am right in believing we were destined to share our time on earth.

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The weatherman, Dick Goddard, was reporting on the extreme cold temperatures and the risk for significant snowfall. It was November 1962, one of the snowiest and coldest winters in Akron, Ohio. The ringing of the phone in the kitchen woke my mother from a sound sleep. The clock on the nightstand next to her bed read 2:45 a.m. While she was in the process of jumping out of bed, my father was already in the kitchen answering the phone. He returned to the bedroom and said, “It was the hospital. Your mother has started to bleed internally and they are preparing her for surgery.” My mother recalls a feeling of numbness climbing over her and her voice repeating, “Oh my God. They said she wasn’t strong enough yet for surgery.”

Two weeks prior it was discovered that my grandmother had bleeding ulcers in her stomach. She apparently had been showing signs of bleeding, but she ignored them, believing that would heal on their own. One morning when she was on her way to work at the local diaper store at 4:30 a.m., she collapsed near the car. She had been hospitalized for two weeks while the doctors tried to stabilize her. They knew she had lost a significant amount of blood and was not strong enough for them to attempt to surgically intervene. Unfortunately, the bleeding had restarted and emergency surgery was necessary. My grandmother’s recollection of that evening was waking feeling weak and ringing for the nurse; then she began to see pigs on the walls, and everything went black.

My parents arrived at the hospital as my grandmother was being rushed down the hallway on a gurney with several doctors and nurses running behind. One of the doctors stopped to tell them that she did not have a pulse and admitted that things did not look good. They saw that my grandmother was catholic and suggested that now may be the time for the family to contact a priest. They went on to say that they had called a Dr. Fox, who was one of the best surgeons on their staff, and he was prepping for the surgery.

My parents joined my grandfather in the waiting room for what would be an all-night vigil that lasted until about noon. As family stories go, I am told that as the vigil of waiting for news of the surgery continued, the doors at the end of the hall finally opened. My mother recalls the hospital hallway being long and dimly lit, so when the doors opened, it created an image of a small silhouette of a man in a surgical cap walking toward them.

They all stood as he approached, anxiously searching his face for clues on what he was about to say. Dr. Fox, or as the family has referred to him over the past fifty years, “the man with kind eyes and God’s hands,” let them know that Nana was still alive but not out of danger. They had to remove three fourths of her stomach. He then gestured to my mother’s belly and instructed her to go home and get some rest, as she was nine months pregnant with me. He felt she should go home to prevent early labor as I was to be born two weeks later. As my mother cried, he assured her that he would sit with my grandmother through the night but it was now out of his hands and in God’s.

Whether God played a role in my grandmother’s recovery can be debated by many. For her, she believes that her purpose on earth had not been completed. At the age of fifty, my age, she felt she still had so much to accomplish and so much to see and enjoy with her family. She always seemed to understand and accept that she had a purpose for being alive. With age that purpose seemed to become clearer and the drive to fulfill it became more intense.

For me, I wonder what my life would have been like if she had died and I had never met her. When I track back in time, decisions that I made, beliefs that I hold, and values that I cherish, I wonder if I would have come to different conclusions without her voice in my head. I sit here today incredibly grateful that on that early morning in November 1962, somebody intervened and gave me the ultimate gift of my grandmother. I received the gift of time, time with her for the past fifty years.

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Genre – Memoir

Rating – PG13

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Website http://www.doctorlori.net/